Carolyn's Critters

Mom,
I hate to say it, but I think you are bear crazy.
Winston

Dear Winston,
Usually when someone says they “hate to say it,” it generally means they are dying to say it.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
Now I’m confused.
Winston

Dear Winston,
I’m sorry. So, I’m bear crazy? What do you mean by that? 
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
You think about bears all the time.
Winston

Dear Winston,
No I don’t.
Love, Carolyn

Hey Mom,
Yes you do. You keep saying that Charlie likes to poke the bear.
Winston

Dear Winston,
That’s true. He does. He loves to give you a hard time.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
Me? So I’m the bear????
Winston

Dear Winston,
Yes sweetie. Well, okay, not literally. I forget how literal you all are. But you are the big guy that he likes to bug. Poke you, and then run like crazy. So that’s what poke the bear means. 
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
He doesn’t really poke. More like he swats me.
Winston

Dear Winston,
Literal. All of you.
Love, Carolyn

Hey Mom,
You also say “loaded for bear” when I come looking for Elsa. You say that. You say “Here comes Winston, loaded for bear.”
Winston

Dear Winston,
That’s an old expression. “Loaded” referred to bullets. It meant someone had their gun ready to shoot a bear. I guess you’d need special ammunition for an animal as big as a bear.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
What????? That sounds TERRIBLE!!!!! Why would anyone even have a gun????? Why would anyone even want to shoot a bear????? The thought of it makes me need to hide!!!
Winston

Dear Winston,
Calm down, sweetie, I agree. I don’t want to shoot a bear! It’s just an expression to point out how scary you look when you come looking for Elsa.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
She’s scary herself. Have you heard her growl?
Winston

Dear Winston,
I hear it all the time, when you two face off under the bed.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
And now tell me what teddy bears are. Because you said Charlie is just a sweet teddy bear.
Winston

Dear Winston,
They are cuddly plushy toys. Everyone loves teddy bears! So that was just a nice thing for me to say about him.
Love, Carolyn

Hey Mom,
That may be, but when he knocked over the vase of flowers this morning, you yelled that he was the Worst Cat Ever.
Winston

Dear Winston,
That incident got water all over the dining table. And then he went on to eviscerate the roses. That bouquet was my garden’s first lovely blooms of the season. So annoying.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
He loves to play with plants!
Winston

Dear Winston,
I’ll need to give up on flower bouquets inside the house until Charlie grows out of his adolescence. Assuming he ever does.
Love, Carolyn

Hey Mom,
So maybe we need to have a real bear come visit, to give Charlie a scare! Poppy says real bears are TERRIFYING!!!
Winston

Dear Winston,
She knows first hand, doesn’t she. From when we had a bear break-in at the cabin a couple of years ago.
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
Poppy says you were as scary as the bear was.
Winston 

Dear Winston,
I was. I’m proud of that incident. My friend and I banged on pots and roared at the bear when she tried to come through the kitchen window. Poppy was mightily impressed.
Love, Carolyn

Hey Mom,
Poppy said she stood behind the two of you, in silent solidarity, so the bear would know that there was a fierce dog standing guard there. 
Winston

Dear Winston,
Yeah, I’m not sure the bear was thinking that. But she stared at the three of us, and then backed her way out the window. And walked off trying to look nonchalant. 
Love, Carolyn

Mom,
Poppy says that’s something for all of us to keep in mind. 
Winston

Dear Winston,
That we should yell at any bear who tries to come in? 
Love, Carolyn 

Mom,
That that we should never EVER cross you.
Winston

Dear Winston,
She should tell Charlie that. Next time he’s eying a vase full of roses.
Love, Carolyn

– 
A note to our readers…
Please subscribe! It’s free, and with a subscription you’ll get these weekly posts delivered right to your In Box. (You’ll find the subscription link at the top of the page at carolynscritters)  When you do, Poppy, Winston, Charlie and Elsa will all raise their paws to salute you!